Jim Gaffigan is Friday!
Louis C.K. Stand-Up Special Outtake of the Day: To promote the premiere of his upcoming comedy special, Live At The Beacon Theater, Louis C.K. has uploaded an outtake from the show that won’t appear in the special.
Come for the poignant rambling on evolution, stay for the impression of two giraffes doing it missionary style.
Live at the Beacon Theater will be available for streaming/downloading exclusively through Louis C.K.’s website starting 12/10.
[videogum.]
Got to see him do this bit live. It was great.
(via skellz)
Source: thedailywhat
Jerry Seinfeld on Halloween
You Are Allowed 20 Birthday Parties by Patton Oswalt.
This is all truth.
“GET. CANDY.”
Jerry Seinfeld - Personal Archives
This is cool.
Whenever I talk to Howard, I always point out — and I’ve been trying to point this out to my wife — I know some of it you don’t like, but if I had to be on six hours a day, it would be just as nasty and foul and not sophisticated. The fact that you’re going to see me do an hour every four years? Reduce Howard Stern to an hour every four years, you’d have the most brilliant comedian who ever lived. It’s not even close.
When I had a morning commute in a car, I listened to Howard Stern. It’s tough to justify, because he said and did a lot of raunchy, awful shit. I could argue that it’s satire. I could argue that’s tongue in cheek. Honestly, I’m not sure I actually believe that.
But the quote above, from Chris Rock, does justify it in a way I’ve never heard before. This guy entertains for hours upon hours everyday— how long could you last before it came to toilet humor?
Source: esquire.com
Underwear Goes Inside the Pants by Lazy Boy
Not sure how or why I downloaded this track, but it’s sprinkled with Greg Giraldo bits.
Late World with Zach Galifianakis - Zach does standup at a preschool
(I may have posted this before. Either way, it’s good stuff.)
Source: onemoretimewithfeeling
George Carlin - Pro-Life is Anti-Woman!
[I’m going to post this once a month because it’s THAT good]
‘If a fetus is a human being, how come the Census down’t count them?”
“If a fetus is a human being, how come when it’s a miscarriage we don’t have a funeral?”
“People say life begins at conception, I say it began about a billion years ago and it’s a continuous process…”
“Speaking of consistency…Catholics are against abortions and homosexuals, well who has less abortions than homosexuals…you’d think they’d make natural allies!”
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I want him to be a fucking canonized saint.
I’ve posted this (a few times) before but it’s definitely worth another look.
“If you’re pre-born, you’re fine. If you’re pre-school, you’re fucked.”
Source: missworld
Dr. Victor Von Doom skewers the Fantastic Four at another open mic night.
Doctor Doom does stand up.
Source: fuckyeahmarvel
It was me and Bob. We was at Safeway. Then that nigga Bob said this. Then I punched that nigga and then I broke out!
This is a Dave Chapelle quote from an HBO special named Killin’ Them Softly, long before Chapelle Show. Before I moved to DC, I thought Safeway was a shoe store. I don’t know why.
Source: kiamatthews
“Get some help, a hot towel, a chicken burrito— I’me getting very sleepy!” - Dave Attell.
